


One additional phobia John Sheppard does not have (Ronon, however, is another story)

by pollitt



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: M/M, Silly, sga_flashfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-07-12
Updated: 2008-07-12
Packaged: 2017-10-05 14:52:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/42900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pollitt/pseuds/pollitt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Silliness and a good dose of suspended disbelief. Spoilers for episode 5x01.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One additional phobia John Sheppard does not have (Ronon, however, is another story)

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Five Phobias John Sheppard Doesn't Have](https://archiveofourown.org/works/42892) by [pollitt](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pollitt/pseuds/pollitt). 



> Deleted scene from [Five Phobias John Sheppard Doesn't Have ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/42892)

**Consecotaleophobia (Fear of chopsticks)**

It was a rare night of calm.

Teyla was home safe and Torren was sleeping 20 hours of the day; John was on the tail end of his recovery, which meant Rodney was, after nearly two weeks of playing nursemaid (with minimal grumbling), back to his usual self; and Ronon was always up for a night of team and food.

John's not certain how exactly Rodney managed to do it, but when he looks up there are four takeout boxes from John's favorite Chinese restaurant on the tray that Rodney's carrying.

The smell of Szechwan Beef makes John's mouth water and he's about to dig in with his chopsticks--table manners and etiquette be damned--when the familiar sound of Ronon's pistol powering on makes him look up in time to see Ronon stand up from the table, knocking his chair over in the process, his gun trained on John's hands.

"What? What? Do you not like Kung Pow Chicken?" Rodney asks, dropping the tray on the table and reaching for one of the other takeout containers. "There's Moo Goo Gai Pan, and, well, mine, which is MSG-free but if you'd rather--"

"Put the sticks down, Sheppard," Ronon says, enunciating each word with deadly calm. John's not stupid, he obeys.

"Ronon, what is the matter?" Teyla asks, her voice steady.

"What's the matter, buddy?" John pushes his seat back, his side twinging. Rodney's hand slips under his bicep as he stands up.

John moves to the side of the table and when he's clear, Ronon shoots, sending Szechwan Beef and rice and bits of chopsticks shrapnel in every direction.

"Are you _crazy_?" Rodney asks, his voice a near shout in John's ear. "What did that meal ever do to you? Were you tortured by chopsticks back on Sateda?"

"Ronon, those instruments were to be used to eat the meal," Teyla explains, picking bits of food out of her hair.

"What?" Ronon looks aghast. "You mean those aren't-- You're supposed to _eat_ with those things?"

"Asian food in particular, yes. They're an alternative to a fork, knife and spoon." John wonders if there was any salvagable food left on his plate.

Ronon holsters his gun, still looking spooked. "I really don't get your people Sheppard."

"I think maybe we should stick with the old reliable fork for dinner," Rodney suggests, sliding his hand down John's side. "Sound good?"

Ronon nods and everyone sits back down at their seats, John moves a new chair next to Rodney and looks forlornly at what was once his food.

They make it through the rest of dinner without incident, Rodney sharing his food with John and Teyla disposing of the rest of the chopsticks with a sleight of hand that would make Houdini proud.

When Rodney pulls out the fortune cookies from the bag, he looks at Ronon to make sure messages inside sugar cookies aren't another taboo he was unaware of.

"Just give me the damn thing, McKay," Ronon says with a mock glare.

To everyone's relief, Ronon is a fan of them--John makes a mental note to order a garbage bag full for Ronon the next time someone's back on Earth--and laughs when John tells him the "in bed" rule. After Ronon and Teyla leave, John watches as Rodney cleans up the rest of the mess without a word, a feat almost as surreal as Ronon shooting chopsticks.

It isn't until they're settled in bed that Rodney speaks. "So what do you think chopsticks were used for in Sateda?"

John shakes his head. "I have no idea, but I guess even Ronon has to be afraid of something."

"Oh yes, because chopsticks are _so_ much scarier than the Wraith."

John chuckles, "I guess I should be happy I resisted the urge to stick them up my nose and make walrus noises."

"Now that thought scares me."

"See Rodney, everyone's afraid of something."

 

/end

**Author's Note:**

> As Maverick and I were talking about phobias, we were amused by a number of them, and when we got to chopsticks, we decided that Ronon should totally be afraid of them, because that man's not afraid of anything.


End file.
